Navigating Dementia Diagnoses: The Gem States of Brain Change Explained

Bob Mannor  [00:10]

Welcome back to Advice from Your Advocates. I’m Bob Mannor. I’m a board certified elder law attorney in Michigan. And we have a great guest today. So most of you know about the Teepa Snow organization positive approach to care. And we have one of the representatives from that organization, Alejandro DeJesus. And he is the chief of mentor services and a lead speaker at Teepa Snow’s positive approach to care. Alejandro, welcome.

Alejandro DeJesus  [00:36]

Thank you, Bob. Thanks for having me. We we I was telling Bob that we’re neighbors, so it it took the internet to put us together though. So thankfully we we got to meet each other. Thanks for having

Bob Mannor  [00:44]

That’s

Alejandro DeJesus  [00:45]

me on, Bob.

Bob Mannor  [00:45]

That’s really funny too because we we did not know that that you were here in in the area and frankly we’re only a few miles apart from from where you are and where our office is. So can you tell us a little bit about your organization or Teepa Snow’s organization and what you do as part of that organization?

Alejandro DeJesus  [01:05]

Yeah, so our organization is called Positive Approach to Care, and it was founded by Teepa Snow and our mission is pretty simple. We are trying to radically transform the experience of dementia. The

Bob Mannor  [01:17]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [01:18]

statement is simple, the work is fairly large. And what we primarily do is help people through understanding what dementia is about. And so my role in the organization is really more in the curriculum.

Alejandro DeJesus  [01:31]

like you mentioned speaking events and in our educational services that we provide. So I do some of that, but I also help our teachers and mentors get ready for those courses as well

Bob Mannor  [01:42]

very nice. And and we were talking a little bit before that the organization is all over the place. And so it’s not there’s not you the folks that work with the organization can be from anywhere and they you’re trying to get the word out to everywhere, right?

Alejandro DeJesus  [01:58]

That is correct. Yes. It dementia is everywhere. So we are trying to be everywhere. I mean, we’re in Canada, Australia, we’ve got a mentor there all over the US. and I’ve I’ve been super excited this year though, Bob, because I’ve gotten more events in Michigan than I any other year for me. So really cool to to reach more Michiganders as well this year.

Bob Mannor  [02:17]

That’s great. So tell us a little bit about your role as chief of mentor services. So what is what is a mentor under the organization? what do they do? How do they impact the lives of those families that have a loved one with dementia?

Alejandro DeJesus  [02:32]

Yeah, so our our mentors are pretty multifaceted in that primarily we do education in the form of training, workshops, certifications, but we also have folks that do a coaching role. we think it’s pretty important that when people get trained, they get coaching afterwards. I mean, you don’t get better at something by simply doing it once. You need some repetition and some feedback. and then we also do our consults as mentors. So folks that have a challenging situation where, you know.

Alejandro DeJesus  [02:58]

I I don’t know how to get the keys away from dad and he keeps insisting on driving. that’s a fairly complex situation with more than one possible next step. And so our mentors do that and they prepare other people to go out and do that work wherever they’re coming from. and so we’ve got a good group of mentors that have been around for for quite a while. And typically we add a few folks every year as folks, you know, transition out and into retirement or or semi-retirement.

Alejandro DeJesus  [03:24]

but a lot of folks have stuck with us for a long time in that mentor role. And if you’re visiting us online at TeepaSnow.com, you’re actually still interacting with a mentor. Most of the folks who have an administrative role with us have served also as a mentor or do serve as a mentor as well. even the folks that do our, you know, our shipping and our products can tell you a little something about dementia and and guide you some support resources.

Bob Mannor  [03:48]

That’s great. So who do the mentors typically help? Is it people that have reached out through the website? how does that process get started?

Bob Mannor  [03:56]

what would be the best way to try to work with your organization?

Alejandro DeJesus  [04:00]

We get a lot of family members coming in who initially start with an initial complimentary 30-minute consult, right? They’re they’re not quite sure sometimes where to go, or they just got a diagnosis with a family member and it’s like, look, I’m not sure where to go, but I know I need some help. And we’ll find a starting point. Or as I mentioned, there’s a sticky situation happening and they’ll reach out for

Bob Mannor  [04:20]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [04:20]

an an introductory 30-minute consult. a lot of folks start that way. Other folks start with our champion course.

Alejandro DeJesus  [04:27]

which run twice a month online. It’s interactive, live through Zoom. and again, we do that because we get to reach a global audience that way. and it’s it’s really core foundational understanding brain change, but also what do I do about it? Because there are plenty of places where you can learn about brain change. What we really strive for is what’s something practical you can take away? You spend four hours with us and we really want you to be able to get up out of your seat after that class and then go try something.

Alejandro DeJesus  [04:54]

With dad or go try something when you’re back at

Bob Mannor  [04:56]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [04:56]

work tomorrow if you’re a professional. because there’s plenty of theory out there and we have some of that, but we also want practical skills for folks because if you’re interacting with someone, you get to be more skillful typically in understanding what’s happening. So professional-wise, Bob, folks also do reach out to us for things like, hey, can you come out and do a one day session with my team?

Alejandro DeJesus  [05:19]

It’s some of the things

Bob Mannor  [05:19]

Yeah, really.

Alejandro DeJesus  [05:19]

that we’ve been doing recently in Michigan, which are are super exciting. So if you’re a professional, you can still start at those Tuesday champions and usually we get a little deeper after that first touch.

Bob Mannor  [05:28]

Okay.

Bob Mannor  [05:28]

can you tell us a little bit about the the gems state of brain change, G E S.

Bob Mannor  [05:34]

So for those that aren’t familiar with that, if you can kind of explain what that is and how that impacts a lot of what you guys talk about.

Alejandro DeJesus  [05:42]

Yeah, so our Gemstate model, I’ll start with saying it’s capitalized if you’re Googling it out there or or looking for it, but it’s not an acronym. it really is our effort to make this idea of brain change related to dementia, but brain change overall really just applicable and not so I’m gonna use I’m gonna use the word not so specific.

Bob Mannor  [06:05]

Okay.

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:06]

because for a lot of folks that we meet,

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:08]

You’re getting a diagnosis, or someone has a diagnosis, and they’re either early, middle, or late.

Bob Mannor  [06:13]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:13]

That’s great to know, but how much details does it give you? Well, not much typically. And that also draws a line in the sand. And the line in the sand between folks living with brain change related to dementia and other folks isn’t there until someone receives a diagnosis, but the brain change was already there. I mean, the thing was there before the doctor came in and let you know whatever he found in the scan.

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:34]

And so Teepa created the gem state model to start to recognize, A, that everyone is living in brain change.

Bob Mannor  [06:40]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:41]

just some folks are living with a brain change related to a dementia. And it still includes me. I’m still in the picture, but it’s not a line in the sand kind of thing. I check in on my gem state, hopefully every day, but I also check in on other people’s gem state. So we want to get a little more specific with what people’s abilities are.

Alejandro DeJesus  [06:58]

because Bob, if I told you, hey Bob, you’re gonna work with Savannah today. Now she’s not got much language and look out because she’s real ornery and you know, so don’t cross her. Now that’s unfortunately the way people are being described out there living with dementia.

Bob Mannor  [07:12]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [07:12]

But if I told you, hey, Bob, she’s more in a diamond state this morning. so really quick on the stuff, the routine stuff is like really good for her to do.

Alejandro DeJesus  [07:22]

What’s it feel like, Bob, one one way versus the other?

Bob Mannor  [07:24]

So s certainly more positive, more person centered.

Alejandro DeJesus  [07:28]

Yeah. Because I can’t bring back the stuff that Savannah can’t do anymore. So why am I so focused in on it? I mean, if she can’t do that, let’s go with what she can do. And that’s really about our gem states model. What people can do and how do I help them use those skills?

Bob Mannor  [07:44]

Can you tell us little bit more about the the gems? So you mentioned diamond, just kind of give us an I I know there’s a lot to it. There’s you there’s books and on this, so we can’t

Alejandro DeJesus  [07:53]

Yeah, I think.

Bob Mannor  [07:54]

go through everything extensively, but can you give us just kind of an overview of some of the the gems and and how you use that terminology?

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:01]

Yeah, so so the gems states, there are six states, right? And we use the word state very specifically. Because if you’re in a state, you can move. I mean, it might be tough,

Bob Mannor  [08:11]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:12]

it might be easy sometimes, but you can move. You’re not locked into a place. And neither are people living in dementia. I mean, if you’ve had experiences with people living in dementia, you’ll know they’re still human and their brains change for many reasons. So the names actually are representative of the brain states.

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:26]

And so we start

Bob Mannor  [08:26]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:27]

in a a sapphire state, and then we move to a diamond state, an emerald state. And then the other three gem states are amber, ruby, and pearl. And so they are really gems with unique colors and unique qualities to them. And Teepa’s thought was, well, I don’t want to put numbers to them.

Bob Mannor  [08:43]

Yeah.

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:44]

Because if if Bob’s a one and I’m a three, well.

Alejandro DeJesus  [08:47]

How does that feel when I tell the family that? How does it feel for Bob when he understands that he’s one or three? And is one in one scale better than the other one? I mean, there are multiple scales out there where people are trying to recognize where someone living with dementia is. And if you got a low number in one, that’s where you want to be. And if you got a high number in the other one, that’s where you want to be. so trying to take away the number stigma thing because I’m pretty sure if you’re listening to this and you opened up a box and you got a Ruby in there.

Alejandro DeJesus  [09:14]

You’d be just as happy as if you open the box and you got a pearl or a sapphire.

Bob Mannor  [09:16]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [09:17]

I mean, they all have good qualities to them, and you’d be happy with them. so those are our six, and I’ll go back through them. So it’s sapphire, diamond, emerald, and then amber, ruby, and pearl are those gem states. But we use that again, that state name very specifically. We aren’t trying to lock people

Bob Mannor  [09:31]

Right.

Alejandro DeJesus  [09:32]

into boxes. I just want to recognize where people are in them.

Bob Mannor  [09:35]

And now you you said something that I wanted to highlight a second ago. You said had been diagnosed with a dementia. And I I think that’s important. Mm you know, most of our listeners will recognize that dementia is sort of a category of different diagnosis. And so how would the gem states relate to different categories like vascular versus Alzheimer’s versus Louis body versus frontal temporal or things like that?

Alejandro DeJesus  [09:59]

Super good question, Bob, because you’re right that there’s this big umbrella with all these different dementias under them. And our gem state models kind of cover the whole umbrella because we’re trying to cover all these brain states, right? And I mentioned, look, we use it for people who aren’t living with the diagnosis as well. So for someone with frontal temporal dementia who may have some language shifts because there’s some temporal lobe shift changes, they may get to the

Alejandro DeJesus  [10:25]

They may find the one in the earlier one, but not that one first, because after it, you can only get it if it’s if it’s not if it’s not too so that would be a lot of emerald kind of language. And

Bob Mannor  [10:40]

Okay.

Alejandro DeJesus  [10:40]

so you might see that kind of gem state language with someone who has a frontal temporal dementia, but you may not see it with someone with Lewy body. I mean, you might get a real

Bob Mannor  [10:49]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [10:49]

clear picture of it feels like there’s fire in my brain today. I mean, that’s how one of

Bob Mannor  [10:54]

Mm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [10:54]

our friends living with Louie Body would describe some of how she was feeling. And it’s real clear diamond state language. I’m I’m not guessing about it. I mean it’s a real solid description that I can really easily hang on to. But that gem state might be impacted by the type of dementia they’re living with. So it it some of those dementias really line up quite easily into different categories for us.

Alejandro DeJesus  [11:15]

But it also is related to when someone got a diagnosis or we started to notice the change. unfortunately, we’re not doing a great job of early diagnosis. So a lot of folks will come in and well, we work together and then we figure out, well, your mom’s, yeah, you’re right. Your mom’s mainly in an emerald state right now, even though she got diagnosed with brain change a year ago or less. we’ve missed some of the signs and signals because we aren’t really attuned into what we look for, what we should be looking for, or listening to.

Bob Mannor  [11:42]

Let’s go back a little bit of how people can benefit and interact with the the champions course I know you described it before, but tell us a little bit more about that. Can anybody join that champions course? You said it was online, so doesn’t matter geographically, and then it goes on for a certain number of weeks, or how does that work?

Alejandro DeJesus  [12:04]

Yeah, so we run a Champion OnePlus Two course, which is four hours long. We do give you a break in between And it’s on Zoom, it’s interactive, and we’re sharing

Bob Mannor  [12:13]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [12:14]

slides, we’re talking about brain changes. The bonus part of being through Zoom is that we can see you and you can see us. So you can see our mentors, we interact, and we actually ask you to get up and practice some of the skills that you’ve seen on Teepa’s videos, right?

Alejandro DeJesus  [12:28]

And you’ve heard of hand under hand, but you’ve never actually tried it before. and we actually welcome people to grab a partner, bring them in the room and and practice this thing with them. if your kids at home during that time, bring them in. I mean, have them practice, have them listen a little bit even. I mean, we won’t charge you extra for it. but yeah, our our Tuesday champion courses run for four hours. Our first week, Tuesdays of the week are dedicated to positive physical approach.

Alejandro DeJesus  [12:52]

And really understanding what’s happening in the brain. And then champion three plus four happens after that for four hours the following week. It’s dedicated to the gem states overall and interacting with gem states and how do I figure out what person’s gem state is what? and so it’s a really dedicated time for that. And we do ship materials for folks if you sign up ahead ahead of time.

Bob Mannor  [13:12]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:13]

We do have a workbook that gets shipped. We know folks like that, along with some of our books.

Bob Mannor  [13:17]

Nice. and then describe the other option. You said that they can have this free half hour sort of introductory, and then what if they’re ready,

Bob Mannor  [13:26]

what would that look like to be able to get that kind of you know direct advice

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:31]

Yeah, that would probably be more of that 30 minute complimentary consult time.

Bob Mannor  [13:36]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:37]

and we try to meet on Zoom with folks so that we have some visual space to share. yeah, and sometimes we do figure out, well, you got a diagnosis, but you didn’t get education from the doctor. I mean, your family

Bob Mannor  [13:47]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:47]

didn’t really get anything about Louis Body, you just that was a diagnosis, and you walked away thinking it was the same as Alzheimer’s.

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:54]

And so sharing

Bob Mannor  [13:54]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [13:54]

the screen and sharing that 30 minute time, yes, we’ll work on the specific question you have, because that’s what you came for. And our mentors may see, well, let’s take a few minutes and talk about what’s different between Louis Body and Alzheimer’s. because our mentors are really good at picking up and asking questions so that we can figure out what’s the need here. because you’ll come in with a need and we’ll we can figure out a next step. But if there’s an educational need, we can also try to fill in some gaps in that timeframe.

Alejandro DeJesus  [14:19]

The other part of that is you may really like that person that you met with on our team. And you’re welcome to actually establish a relationship and have some future consultation calls and we have some different pricing and we’ll always meet people where they are.

Bob Mannor  [14:33]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [14:33]

you know, I’ve had some situations where I could I couldn’t get you the resource the first time, but I’ll meet with you for another 15 or 30 minutes so we can find the time to do that. you know, our goal is to really support people across the world.

Alejandro DeJesus  [14:45]

And so sometimes you’re in a rural area and I didn’t have anyone in your area that I can connect you to. So let me do a little digging and I’ll get back with you next week on it. our our mentor team is really dedicated to finding what’s your next step rather than here’s the blanket next step for everyone. But that’s why we need that time to figure out what that situation is. we do also direct people a lot to our complementary educational resources.

Bob Mannor  [15:09]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [15:09]

If we if you’re watching Bob on YouTube right now, go out to YouTube and and put in Teepa Snow. We’ve got over a thousand videos that are complimentary out there as well.

Bob Mannor  [15:18]

That’s great.

Alejandro DeJesus  [15:19]

so for us, those consultations are really about meeting the need that the person’s coming in with. I mean, I I had a consult recently and the whole goal was to figure out I the person had respite care coming in, but the respite care folks were coming to the wife and going, Well, what do I do with them? It’s

Bob Mannor  [15:34]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [15:35]

like,

Alejandro DeJesus  [15:35]

Well, crap, I don’t know. Well, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out what are a couple of activities that we think would be helpful for these guys to try out when they came in because they didn’t have the training to figure that out. but the wife had all the expertise that we needed. We just needed to pull it out.

Bob Mannor  [15:50]

And so for for some families, you know, if they have the resources to do it, they might be able to have an ongoing relationship with with you know, consultations and some coaching.

Alejandro DeJesus  [16:01]

For sure.

Bob Mannor  [16:02]

and because I think a lot of families, you know, when they’re dealing with this, it’s it’s it can be very difficult. this is somebody that’s been part of your life for maybe fifty years or longer.

Bob Mannor  [16:14]

And there’s always going to be relationship baggage and things like that. And now with this new diagnosis, it it can s you know, the there might be some expectation of, that’s just an exaggeration of a previous behavior when it really could be more related to the, you know, the brain states. And so

Bob Mannor  [16:36]

if they if a family needed that or felt that that would be very useful, that is an option that they would have is to arrange for you know, hire for coaching and and consultation on an ongoing basis.

Alejandro DeJesus  [16:50]

Absolutely. Yeah. We have folks that do an initial 30 minute consult. Sometimes there’s two because we we had a little left over. And then yeah, they’ll they’ll continue relationships. Some folks will meet once a month. there are times when they bring in a specific question. And other times it’s just a monthly meeting and there isn’t a crisis, which we love when there’s not a crisis, but we can do

Bob Mannor  [17:06]

Mm-hmm. Right.

Alejandro DeJesus  [17:09]

some more education. They can ask some, what do I expect now? Or you know, what what should I expect? What should I get ready for in the next doctor’s appointment? What should I ask?

Alejandro DeJesus  [17:17]

I mean, there’s just so much that’s involved, as you said, Bob. And and even just the idea that I’ve been with someone for a majority of my life, potentially as a spouse, and our relationship has changed. And even just someone to talk to who gets it and who understands without a judgment on it.

Bob Mannor  [17:33]

Right.

Alejandro DeJesus  [17:33]

because it’s not a judgment. Most of our mentors have either worked professionally or have had family members or both, and provided some support in some way. So, so we’re you’re usually talking to someone who’s

Alejandro DeJesus  [17:44]

got some of that in their wheelhouse as well.

Bob Mannor  [17:46]

well Alejandro, it’d be nice to hear about your journey and how you really got into this and and how, you know, what your journey has been leading up to working with the the Teepa Snow positive approach to care organization. So tell us a little bit more about you and your professional journey.

Alejandro DeJesus  [18:05]

Yeah, so I I figured out in high school I wanted to educate others, right? And and then I figured I want to serve under underrepresented populations, Bob. And I thought, well, I grew up in Detroit. I’m gonna go back to Detroit and teach. And that’s exactly what I did. So I taught middle school for six years. And in that time, Teepa’s daughter, Amanda, who is now our our CEO, started working there as well. And we became friends. Her husband was my co-teacher for a bit in the middle school.

Alejandro DeJesus  [18:32]

And they left to join Teepa and Positive Approach to Care. And we just stayed friends. So after a while, they they had a an idea that I could do this. And I went, Well, you guys are really you’re smart, but you’re really dumb, apparently. Do you if you think I can do this? Because at that point, Bob, I didn’t have

Bob Mannor  [18:47]

Ha ha ha.

Alejandro DeJesus  [18:48]

any experience with dementia, right? I had not had anyone in my family. I didn’t have a professional background in it. and really to get them off my back, I said, well, I’ll I’ll go to the course to just, I’ll just

Alejandro DeJesus  [18:58]

See what the course is about. And as I got there, I was sitting at a table with folks who had 10 to 15 years of experience, but they did not understand basic brain changes with folks living with dementia. They hadn’t figured out how to approach people or why to approach people in this way. And I was just shocked that there was this industry where I’m providing support for another human being, but I don’t understand what seemed to be very basic.

Alejandro DeJesus  [19:22]

kind of information and how I interact with folks. so for me I moonlighted for the rest of that school year, taking vacation days to do courses. And I started to implement that stuff. The stuff that I learned and now teach, I implemented in my classroom. So I I had kids who would come in and they would be sent to me because I was a lead teacher and they’re already in trouble. So their brains are already in a very different gem state and they’re they’re not happy.

Alejandro DeJesus  [19:46]

And I realized, well, you’re not not happy with me. You’re this is just a situation. And so instead of

Bob Mannor  [19:50]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [19:51]

forcing someone to talk, I then started to give them choices, which is what I learned in the course. And I would say, now, Bob, you’re I hate that you’re here, but I like seeing you. Bob, do you want to write about what happened in the class or do you want to draw a picture about it? And so now it became a win-win because I get the information I need, but I also get back to my kids who are 30 in a classroom, and you’re one more who I didn’t plan on having.

Alejandro DeJesus  [20:13]

so really simple things like offering choices that were a win-win for for me and the students. not standing over people at their desks. Duh, that of course that’s intimidating. So I got really well more flexible that year. I’m not super flexible still, but getting down low and and addressing students at their level became really essential for me. And then I said, okay, well I’ll do this full time. and then nine years later, here here we are, Bob. I I wouldn’t

Alejandro DeJesus  [20:38]

Wouldn’t give it up for the world right now. It’s it’s been really helpful and beneficial for me and my relationships, but also I know it’s been good for other people to get this education out.

Bob Mannor  [20:46]

For those that would like to do a little bit more of their own investigation and research on gem states, do you have any suggestions of specific videos or books that that you’d recommend for them to get more of a just understanding of the gem states of brain change?

Alejandro DeJesus  [21:04]

Yeah,

Alejandro DeJesus  [21:04]

I would say if this is your first time hearing about gem states, go out to our YouTube page. And if you type in Teepa Snow Gems, the very first video you’ll see is Teepa actually explaining an overview. it’s got a really

Bob Mannor  [21:17]

Great.

Alejandro DeJesus  [21:17]

clean white background to it. it’s about a 10-minute video, but she gives an overview, shows you some visuals on the screen that will probably help tie it in. and then I would recommend our care partner gems book. And

Alejandro DeJesus  [21:31]

It’s a book that’s pretty short. Now, if I can read the book, anyone can, because I’ve read five books over the past like three years. so it’s a pretty quick read, but it gives you some basics and some examples of what you might see or hear in folks in these different brain state changes. So that’s available on Amazon as well. If you put in Teepa Snow gems, it’ll come up, or you can get it through our website at teepasn.com. But we try to make our books pretty small, pretty short. we

Alejandro DeJesus  [21:55]

We try to envision people who have fifteen or twenty minutes at a time to to pick up a book and then you gotta put it down and come back to it. So

Bob Mannor  [22:02]

Yeah.

Alejandro DeJesus  [22:03]

for those of you who are avid readers, you’ll be through it in no time.

Bob Mannor  [22:05]

So for those that are listening to this, can you give a few just things to remember? So there’s you know, obviously they can do a little bit more looking into this. They should check out the website, maybe order the a book, but what are three things just to kind of keep in mind or a few things to the about the Gem States that you’d like people to remember?

Alejandro DeJesus  [22:28]

I think the first is people want to be sapphire. I think that’s where generally people want to be, because sapphire means you’re like bamboo. You’re flexible, but you’re still strong enough and you can spring back a bit. You can see it from other people’s points of view. And of course, everyone wants to support folks in relationships that way. I mean, I don’t know many people that are like, I’m gonna be a terrible care partner today. It’s like, no, that’s not the way most people get up and and start their day. But if I do that, it means I’m also still.

Alejandro DeJesus  [22:55]

gonna be sapphire for a limited amount of time. We are human beings. And so at some point, recognizing that you can be real sapphire, but also doesn’t mean you’re perfect. You’re not gonna get it right every time. You are gonna attempt some new things, but you’re still gonna have some hiccups. So being in a sapphire state doesn’t mean you’re perfect. If you’ve never been good at math, you’re not gonna be good at math just because you recognize you’re in sapphire state. It’s just the best you you can be. And recognizing that, you need to switch it off. You actually need to get out of that state every once in a while.

Alejandro DeJesus  [23:23]

It’s gonna burn you up. I mean, you’re using a lot of glucose energy and your brain’s working real hard. so if you’ve had a really hard, long work day, but it went really well, you probably maintain that sapphire state for a while. But then you need to drop it for a bit. Otherwise, you’re not gonna be able to get back to it the next day or the day after that. so really an honest look at being sapphire is great and you still need some time to not be there at moments and you will not be there and something might trigger it even.

Alejandro DeJesus  [23:50]

For you to not be that flexible person. So when mom asks you the 15th same question for the 15th time in two hours, if you’re in a sapphire, you’ll go, Mom, you’re wondering about the doctor appointment. I mean, that’s sapphire. But you can’t hold that for forever. And so at some point you

Bob Mannor  [24:05]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [24:06]

might say, and you did it out loud. Shoot, it’s a slip. It’s a gem state slip. And you might even catch it and go, The doctor’s appointment. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [24:14]

But if you do that for so long, I mean you just need a break. And and Sapphire’s a great place to be, but just recognize we don’t hold it forever. It’s not a thing

Bob Mannor  [24:22]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [24:23]

that we do. We’re not computers.

Bob Mannor  [24:24]

It’s very interesting. What about any hope that you can give to folks about, you know, just the brain’s capacity for change and need for change, I guess?

Alejandro DeJesus  [24:33]

Yeah. So it’s an interesting one because we Tita and I were together this week and and she threw a question upon the board for one of the groups we were working with and it it said something like, you know, what’s true about dementia? And one of the options was people with dementia can’t learn. And that’s a that’s a fallacy, right? We we have neuroplasticity from beginning to end in our brains.

Alejandro DeJesus  [24:55]

And I might not catch all the details, but I can definitely catch enough of it that I’ll retain some of what I like or don’t like. Or I I don’t know that guy’s name, but I know he was a good interview. I I can’t remember exactly what he did, but it was a good conversation for folks. and so I think part of that is also recognizing that we gotta work on our own skills. I mean, if if people are already changing, I gotta do some changing myself. If if they’re changing, our relationship is changing.

Alejandro DeJesus  [25:20]

I probably can’t do the same thing and get the same reactions or get the same responses from the person that I’m working with. And so that neuroplasticity idea, I think, is pretty essential to realize that they’re I mean, they’ve got dementia, they’re not stupid. which is one of the the phrases that our our friend living with dementia gave us, which is just priceless because you you can’t I mean, you can try to trick me. You can tell me the car, you know, the battery doesn’t work.

Alejandro DeJesus  [25:44]

I know where the phone is. I can call AAA. They can get over here and replace the battery for me. so human beings are incredibly resilient when I want something, but I’ll also figure a way to get the thing that I want if I can’t get it with your help.

Bob Mannor  [25:57]

Well Alejandro, this has been great. Really appreciate all the information that you provided us today. Is there any takeaway that you want to leave the audience with as we wrap things up today?

Alejandro DeJesus  [26:08]

Yeah, I I would say no matter what gem state you’re working with, try to see what the person has left and what you can utilize. Because yes, my language may not be great today. What did I do today? I got dressed by my I mean, you I totally independently did all my buttons today and got that all on. And I actually made my own cup of coffee today. Like huge. And it’s really tricky sometimes to spend a lot of time with someone and

Alejandro DeJesus  [26:34]

and have those things just go unseen and just focus on, well they can’t and they can’t talk or they can’t do this. Try to keep a log even of what what what can you celebrate today? What went well today? What was the thing that you didn’t have to assist today potentially? what was the thing that, man, it was funny today. That was a that was a that was a good one today. I worked with a lady a couple days ago. We were at a at a place and we were arranging flowers and

Alejandro DeJesus  [27:00]

She looked over and said, Now, now you’re kind of not American. And I went, You

Bob Mannor  [27:04]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [27:04]

you are absolutely right. I’m kind of not. And she said, You’re something. And I said, I’m Puerto Rican. And she said, Puerto Rican. And then she called four people over and said, Now let me tell you about him. He’s Puerto Rican. And it’s like, man, I I could, I could take that as some kind of a a dig or like embarrassment. but it was great. Like she invited people over and welcomed people over.

Alejandro DeJesus  [27:25]

And there’s so many moments like that that I think can go under the rug because she can do the flowers. And so if I focus on she wasn’t doing the flowers, I miss that opportunity. I miss that

Bob Mannor  [27:35]

Mm-hmm.

Alejandro DeJesus  [27:35]

that thing that’s going to keep me more sapphire throughout the day. Just that moment that we get with folks that is really important to hold on to, especially when things are getting tougher or changing. because it helps your own gemstone.

Bob Mannor  [27:47]

Well, this has been great. And if you enjoyed this podcast, don’t forget to subscribe to Advice from Your Advocates. You can find it anywhere that you find podcasts. And just hit the subscribe button so you know when the new episodes are coming out. And you can also find it on our website, mannorlawgroup.com or on our Mannor Law YouTube page. So thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next time.